Family Pictures

My Brother :(

I wish I could say that a lot has not been going on, I wish I could say that everything has been peachy and I have been spending most of my days lounging around enjoying the beautiful sun. But this is my life we are talking about things like that dont happen to a girl like me.  Where shall I start? hmmm ..Last week we traveled 14 hrs to visit my brother who is in a group home. I couldnt wait to see him, hug him, kiss him. He was first in a mentally facility then he was transferred to group home.  I already had concerns because previously he told me over the phone that he is not being treated well. So I was hoping things were starting to get better since I reported the facility. Instead he told me he was being molested by a male staff and it happened on two different occasions. And to make matters worse the guy was not suppose to be at work that day. I knew something fishy was going on because when I would call to speak with my brother they always had an excuse. Now I find out why they didnt want my brother talking on the phone. There has been so much going on more than I can say at this moment. I miss him so much now Im in the process of trying to get him out of the group home; which is a new facility. I lost all faith that I had in group homes. I don't know if that trust can ever be gained again. I cant even begin to express how upset I am.

I'm still here :)

Its been soooo long since I posted. I had another blog but I think I'm going to delete it. Its basically a ttc blog and I figured I can add that stuff in here too. For anyone who is wondering if we're pregnant yet..NOPE. I tell myself before I take a pregnancy test that I will not be depressed or upset if its a negative. What do I do? Throw a hissy fit, of course! I been thinking about buying a fertility monitor but its a 200.00. My husband thinks it will happen, we just have to be patient and have faith. Im just so impatient. on to more things...
 A lot has been going on. Jay is in kindergarten and he loves it! Everyday he goes to different classes such as Monday is P.E, Tuesday is Music ect. His most favorite is Friday not only because its the end of the week and he get to play his x-box all weekend but because he loves computer lab. We have actually been thinking about giving him our old computer to put in his room.
Genesis is walking, talking  she says ma-ma, da-da and stop; which is her favorite word. It was so funny while driving to a photo shoot yesterday my husband hit a bump in the road which made her car seat wiggle a bit and she yelled STOP! Speaking of photo shoot the kids did well yesterday. Genesis would normally cry when she is close to a stranger but instead she just did her own thing. The photographer was really nice and sweet. I'm kinda doubting if she had any good pictures to work with because my husband is so hard to crack. He is the type of guy that keep is emotions to himself. So at the shoot its was hard to get him to be affectionate. All weekend I was nagging him to practice romantic poses, of course he didn't! Instead he played the x-box and watch football.  I left the shoot thinking omg i bet she thinks we are so freakin" weird. Kaylie if you're reading this I promise we're not! We're actually fun, outgoing people LOL.

Just A Quick Update ♥

Genesis birthday is right around the corner and Im so excited! We were suppose to be going to sea world but we are going to wait closer to August thats around the time Jay will come back home. I kinda feel guilty asking his mom can we get him for about a week when we have him all year round while she has him during the summer. I feel like he should have time to play with his other siblings we have plenty of time to do the things we want to do. I must admit I miss him like crazy!! We are going down to visit him on the 29th.its been a while since my husbands parents saw Genesis so we figured this will be a great time to go. Although Genesis acts really clingy she WILL NOT go to anyone she DOES NOT know. I dont know how to get her to ease up a bit. Hopefully we will have a great time. Well Im keeping this post short, I'll be back with more pics soon.

Rambling (Family/Video)

Lately I have been writing about the negative things going on in my life so instead Im going to focus on the things I am more than grateful for...My Family :)

We have been doing great (regaurdless of the things that are going on right now) we are planning our little one birthday party/get together. Jay is with his mom for the summer, but we are going down to visit in a week or so.

Genesis is growing like a weed,she is getting so big now I can barely tote her (without looking like im struggling) She has not learned how to walk yet,he havent made not one single step. Im sure she will be walking soon probably around 13-14 months. She has two teeth coming in at the top! Oh, she still is breastfed. I'm slowly trying to wein her but its not working. I feed her whatever we are eating for example yesterday we had spaghettis and garlic bread. I put her spaghettis in the food processor and she loved it!! But no matter what she eats she will still want to be breastfed and she knows how to let me know when she is ready. She will rub her mouth on my shirt (looking for the breast) or sometimes she lifts my shirt up. I thought that mabye since she is eating more table food she wouldnt want milk as much, but she does. I even went out and bought Enfagrow toddler milk..SHE HATED IT to say the least.. lol

Right now she is right beside me sleeping (looking so peaceful :) but I'm about to sneak off so I can cook. In case you were wondering I'm cooking BBQ chicken, macaroni and cheese w/ potato salad (if we have potatoes)

Oh, and I have been thinking about putting up videos of our family just doing things such as our family outtings, cooking, ect. I think it would be fun! What do you think?

Well I think its time for me to get cookin"

caio

I don't know what's going on ...

Today I went to the hospital for blood work afterwards I left and I went home. About 3 hours later I received a call to come back to do an ultrasound. My doctor told me that my numbers was going down; which is a good thing. They are back down to 65 but we need them to be at zero. He also told me that the mass; which was thought to be a cyst is getting smaller, but he is not sure what it is. That kind of made me angry because at my last appointment it seem like he was positive that was what it was now he isn't sure. Now that's not even the crazy part. He also told me that when he did the D&C there was not evidence of a embryo. HUH? So he went on to say that that cyst could be a embryo. If you are confused so am I! My numbers are going down so clearly that mean no embryo is present. And he says the mass(if that's what it is) is getting smaller so I don't know what to think. He even started talking about the possibility of the mass actually being a embryo. So now he wants me to come back Monday to check my numbers. I don't think its an embryo though but I cant explain why there were any remnants of an embryo. I'm clueless!

My Follow-Up (well sort of)

As you may already know I had an follow up appt today but I left before being called now let me tell you why. As always I check in, take a magazine and wait for my name to be called. Sitting across from was this family and they went in the back before I did but about 30 minutes later they came out with ultrasound photos. She sat right across from me so I couldnt help but here her call family members about the good news. I was fighting back tears, not because I was mad because she was pregnant but because I wished that was why I was there. Instead I was there for a totally different reason. I decided to leave because I was an emotional wreck. People probably wouldnt understand my pain, grief since I was really early. I made an appt to go back next Monday but I got a call today from my doctor telling me to come back in the morning for blood work. I also was told that the test came back from the D&C and they didnt find a thing wrong with the embryo. Instead of being happy, im depressed because I feel like it was my fault. I asked my doctor could breastfeeding cause a problem and he said no, but I'm still wondering whether it did or not.